Mother's Day without the Kids

My grandson, Weston will be two on July 7th. I recently learned I will have a second grandchild, due on December 4, 2012. I also have a birthday on May 9th; in my birthyear I was born on Mother's Day.

I lost my mom last year. As a result of her death, I have the torch that lights the way for the family. So, on this Mother's Day I am even more aware of the responsibilities that the role of Mother involves: Imparting wisdom, unconditional love and acceptance, a guidepost who will leave a legacy for the next torchholder(s). I grew up with grandparents so close-by they were part of my life in every way. I have such wonderful memories. I also want to be remembered well and fondly. I yearn from the depths of my heart for my grandchildren to live close to me. I can't bring my grandson anywhere or bake cookies or arrange an arts and crafts day--and couldn't bring him to see Dora the Explorer, his favorite, when she came to my town. My heart is heavy this Mother's Day, which is also my birthday.  I am happy they are happy and loved. I so desperately want to be part of their daily lives. It's not happening.  I am tired of feeling so empty. I Pray that this will change. Life is so short and these feelings depravation and longing for my children and grandchildren is hell.  

So how can it REALLY be a

Happy Mother's Day?

Truest form of Hate Crime

 "Being white does not make anyone a racist. Being a racist makes you a racist. Perpetuating stereotypes makes you an accomplice and a racist." These are words I read on Olivia Emisar's Blog and they prompted me to comment.
This is how I feel about the underbelly of racism and how Zimmerman used what he knew to aid his mission to kill without consequence.; this is the truest form of hate crime. I know that a good prosecuting lawyer can bring these things up; but unfortunately needs to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt- something that the most revered lawyer in the world cannot do if they are assuming what is in someone's mind.
It is my intuition that lodges in my gut and gives me this insight I can't shake:
Wanna be cop Zimmerman USED his knowledge about racism in his community to aid his violent crime. Hear me out: Zimmerman went out with a GUN fully aware (we know he has a violent history). His act upon Trayvon himself wasn't premeditated but his act upon someone black was already in his mnd. When he spotted Trayvon he knew that by targeting someone BLACK the Sanford Police wouldn't question his motive further. This makes ZIMMERMAN the lowest piece of scum.
He actually used his knowledge of RACIAL PROFILING by POLICE to aid his URGE to KILL. He was fully aware of community police and how they operated. Zimmerman was cunning in his plan, and even more evil than any other killer. Although he may purport to "LOVE black ppl, have black friends" he used his knowledge of the racial climate in Sanford and combined with the right to kill; otherwise known as the Stand Your Ground law to help him slink away from the crime scene without (he thought) a problem in the world. FOR THESE REASONS I know this is a HATE crime because it was demonic in its psychological details. I know people and what drives them, I was born with a sixth sense, and I am certain, inside myself that what I have said about Zimmerman is true. Too bad one can't prove this in a "justice" system.
So, knowing that racism and hate of "other" is deeply embedded in the psych of society how can it ever be eradicated? Just like WWII stopped the actions of Hitler from killing even more Jews and the Civil War stopped act of slavery, the anti-semites and racism still lives in peoples minds. How do we eradicate the knowledge that is placed in every mind and erase any negative in any person who will use it to disempower, punish or kill?

Educational Philosopy- check out who I am as an educator

Respect for self and others, engaging lessons and the love of learning are the crux of my educational philosophy. I work to develop a class room dynamic where all students respect and nurture their strengths and are aware that any perceived weaknesses are merely opportunities for growth.  As an educator, I believe it is my duty to develop engaging lessons, to communicate and model effectively. I call my “classroom rules” classroom decorum; this structure is simply the conduct expected in class. Decorum demonstrates how responsibility, accountability and expectations are in place to keep students safe, prepared, and confident; while aware of their own individual abilitiy to succeed in the world.

The foundation of a successful classroom is based upon the development of trust between teacher and students which comes from creating an environment where each student is respectful to everyone.  Classroom management is not merely being prepared to deliver an engaging lesson but it requires a teacher who values each voice and models an environment where students feel free to share their views without judgment.

As an educator I am aware that I am a role model for my students. Character is built over time by the people with whom we spend most of our time. In a classroom, I believe strong character is built by having many examples who show what is right, that it is not done for reward or recognition but simply because it is the right way to be. Sharing is one value necessary for personal growth. It is part of teamwork, which is a trait I bring to colleagues; and also part of student group work and discussion.

A class becomes a family. During the day when students are away from home it is important to know they can rely upon their teacher and fellow students. I believe in classmates helping one another. This is a way to show that leadership and service to others begins right where you are. They can then expand upon that experience by bringing it out into the community. During any lesson there are teachable moments, calling attention to how our knowledge and talents can help the larger society. One Middle school student, who was an introvert, credits me and my lessons, for giving him the confidence to be a public speaker. He now represents the views of his high school peers as student council President and recently called upon me to mentor him as he developed a strategy to run for State Lieutenant Governor of Student Council.

I believe strongly that if I am not authentic in the representation of my personality, beliefs and passions I cannot be an effective educator. I have found that because I love language so intensely my own excitement is contagious to students. I am creative, curious and confident and forever a student who is learning.  It is my goal to help each student succeed for a lifetime by creating in them a firm belief in their capabilities and a true love of learning. Once I have accomplished that I have succeeded.

Knots in your stomach, angst in your head

Try this the next time you have any anxiety and repeat it daily; it takes ten minutes and it will change your life. It's called Mindfulness Meditation.

Sit in a chair or upon a Zafu (a cushion, like a pillow for meditating). Close your eyes and focus soley on your out in and out breaths. YOu may say a gatha (short verse) like breathing in I am calm; breathing out I release all concerns all anxiety. or simply focus on your breath. When a thought comes acknowledge it but let it go; like the water in a stream.

In the Buddhist tradition and in Contemplative Psychotherapy training, we nurture mindfulness through the practice of sitting meditation. There are many different kinds of meditation. For example, some are designed to help us relax; others are meant to produce altered states of consciousness.

Mindfulness meditation is unique in that it is not directed toward getting us to be different from how we already are. Instead, it helps us become aware of what is already true moment by moment. We could say that it teaches us how to be unconditionally present; that is, it helps us be present with whatever is happening, no matter what it is.

    You may wonder what good that is. After all, don't we want to suffer less? Aren't we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we've heard about? Aren't those changes from how we already are?

Well, yes and no. On the one hand, suffering less and being more aware of our inherent wakefulness would be changes from how we experience ourselves right now, or at least most of the time. On the other hand, though, the way to uncover brilliant sanity and to alleviate suffering is by going more deeply into the present moment and into ourselves as we already are, not by trying to change what is already going on.
The sitting practice of mindfulness meditation gives us exactly this opportunity to become more present with ourselves just as we are. This, in turn, shows us glimpses of our inherent wisdom and teaches us how to stop perpetuating the unnecessary suffering that results from trying to escape the discomfort, and even pain, we inevitably experience as a consequence of simply being alive.

What does it take to be Compassionate? A Paradigm Shift.

Walking down the street during the midday rush, people are everywhere.  I notice that some passerby’s meet my eyes, some look down or have placed their attention elsewhere.  Understanding genetics, every person has different face, we know this is so, yet, it’s still rather amazing that no one face looks alike. In a mixed crowd, they are Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial. Their old, young, and middle-aged.  Among the crowds there are ideal beauties within the range of healthy weight, others too thin, some corpulent; others are obviously homeless, pushing their carts full of wrinkled clothing and odd, inconspicuous belongings. It's sill, but, sometimes, I play a game trying to decide what the person drives or what they're like: happy, sad, generous, stingy, rich, poor, married, single, just by looking at them. Though, overall, I practice looking at everyone as having a uniform character and an equal nature. 

 I practice viewing everyone as a suffering human being; this helps me practice to keep compassion at the forefront of my mind and my interactions. This is a practice because I have had times when I deem someone an inconsiderate ass, or worse;  this has happened plenty of times when I'm driving, for example, when I’ve been cut off and have to slam my brakes on.  I easliy have some choice words roll off my tongue! There are other times too; when someone doesn’t hold a door when they see me, or anyone else, right behind them-even with arms full- and they go ahead and let a heavy door swing back. They never think to hold the door open for one second. Yet, I do know, that once anyone is revealed, we can no longer be defined by our faces and sometimes even by an action. 

Paradigm shifts happen when more knowledge enters our perception. We wouldn’t lash out calling someone an ass if, for instance, we discovered that the person who cut us off just left a doctor’s office and just had bad diagnosis delivered. Or, if we knew, the person who didn’t hold a door was distracted because they just lost their job. With a little information compassion takes the lead in our interactions and judgments’. Truly, all humans are suffering because of their humanness; we all have something that is in our lives, on our minds, that is distressing.

Therefore, a face does not tell someone’s story and a single unthoughtful or reckless action shouldn’t define anyone either.